Life As We Know It
What is the meaning of life? That is a loaded question that weighs heavily on the minds of many. So on a busy Sunday family gathering, I sat down with my Zia, DB, to explore her perspective on life. Even with an active kitchen, attention-seeking dog, and family chatter in the background, we still had a profound yet brief conversation on life. Here is what she had to say:
Diving right into the deep end, I asked DB, “What has been a defining moment in your life?”
She paused for a moment to think about how she wanted to go about answering the question. Then she answered solemnly, “Probably the most challenging times have been defining moments.”
I encouraged her to share an example in which she described how when Nonno, her grandfather, was sick with Alzheimer’s and he would have these hallucinations daily about young boys being in the house. At the time, she was working, and it would frustrate her to come home and see the table set with extra places. Also, this was after she lost her husband to pancreatic cancer. She felt alone in this situation.
One day she snapped, she shared, “I told him, ‘there’s no one here! It’s just you and I,’ and I felt ashamed of it after it was over. But I realized that was my fear talking, that I wasn’t going with this horrible situation and this intensely sad situation, and there was nobody to help me.”
She shared a part of a conversation with her friend Merle afterward. This helped guide her to a better understanding, “I told her what had just happened, and there was a long pause on her end, and she said, ‘but they’re real to him.’ And that was like a splash of cold water on my face.”
“Would you say Merle has helped you, or inspired you, with having changes in perspective?” I followed up.
“Tremendously!” she emphasized, “because it sounds like a simple phrase, right? Yeah. But the Lord, they’re real to him. But I hadn’t thought about it in that way.”
“Because sometimes it’s just hard to separate ourselves from a situation and see it from another perspective,” I commented.
“Yes. we’ve been in so much pain that we don’t think about, ‘Well, How’s this other guy seeing it?’” she remarked, “So, yes, she was a great source, and I think about it often because she’s come up with a few of those things over the years. And I think one of the reasons she’s so good at imparting this knowledge is because she can say things in a very nonjudgmental way.”
“You were a teacher,” I pointed out, “Since you’ve retired, is there anything that’s fulfilling to you now?”
“Well, Jesus, before Covid, I was a lot more active, and I’ve always liked learning things and teaching and communicating, interacting with people. So before Covid, I had been taking Pino to nursing homes as a therapy dog. And it’s funny how even a dog can teach us things.”
I agreed, “I think animals really, we don’t really think about how they have just a deeper understanding of us than we have of them.”
We continued to converse about animals and how they seem to sense human emotions, possibly understanding them more than we do ourselves. For example, how cats can feel when someone is in pain.
I inquired about how she’s been able to deal with difficult people. We then talked about our family members and those with differing opinions, for lack of a better word. The best thing you can do when in those situations is to ignore them because they want that attention. “I just think they’re afraid and very ill-informed because they have their ‘news sources,’” she reasoned.
Ultimately, it came down to the big, final question. “Knowing all that you know from loss, whether it be family or friends, what is the meaning of life, based on what you’ve experienced?” I inquired.
“It’s funny cause I do think the meaning of life is about forging connections in as many ways as possible. You can do that through teaching, nature, and animals. Just trying to work on your empathy and your self-control, responding rather than reacting. Think about it; it’s all you have. At the end of the day, you’re all alone, and it’s your connections to others that sustain you,” DB reflected.
In closing, we agreed that life is not about materialism but instead our interactions with one another. As humans, we are naturally social beings, so it makes sense we strive to feel those ties to our friends and family.
Unaltered version, f/4.0 1/125sec. by KE, 2021 Altered photo using Lightroom, f/4.0 1/125sec. by KE, 2021
You can see Zia, her son, Joe, and my mom sitting around the dining room table in my photo. I chose this photo because, after our interview, I was working in the living room when she called me into the kitchen. I walked in to find her standing at the stove, "Look outside," she gestured towards the open door leading to her backyard. Then, I saw my mom and Joe sitting at the table, deep in conversation on the deck. When I came back into the kitchen, she explained, "See, now, that's what I mean by connecting."
After that, I was naturally drawn to taking a photo of the family conversing together. So while everyone was talking, I slipped out of the room and grabbed my camera. On the top, you see an unedited version of the photo on the bottom. I made these edits because I found them more visually appealing. I prefer to have softer and brighter compositions than photos that have harsh lighting. I like seeing the natural movement in the image, how DB is buttering her bread. The gestures in my mom's hand. Using the rule of thirds you can see that each subject is resting the middle of each quadrant. In the original photo you can see how the setting is crooked, which is fixed in post. Overall the photo is very objective, in my opinion, you can see that there is this familial connection in the photo. On the other hand, a critique that can be made is how the actual subject of the interview is not featured in the center. However that doesn't negate the human interaction between the group of people. Also the focus is not solely in the center, the depth of field is wide enough that you can clearly see all the subjects. It all feels very natural to me, the artist.
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